Home

I have to say that most of the time I am quite amused by, well, stupid television…. For example: The Surreal Life…. However, I have been seeing ads for the premier of I think the most sickening show ever on television — 1000 Ways to Die —

Why did this show need to be made?

The bio on Spike claims the show “combines the science of living and the randomness of death with a dash of Darwinism.” Where questions about death, “will be answered” using “glorious CGI effects.” —- This is, of course, the station that brought us “Manswers”

Well, I guess now that I know that “real boobs” sink and “fake ones” float I need to learn about “Lesbo-cution”

Groan……

So I’m not afraid to admit that I quite enjoy 3 Doors Down. Generic southern-tinged rock they may be, but I still like to partake in them every now and again. Having listened to Canadian folk legend Valdy the other day at work, I do not think admission of admiration for 3 Doors Down is all that bad, but I could be wrong. Two things however I cannot stand about the band is a) listening to them talk b) watching their music videos. The former is merely because they never have anything relevant or intriguing to say, though this can be said about a vast majority of musicians in the spotlight today/ Something fundamentally rubs me the wrong way when I hear the southern twang in their voices. If you’ve ever listened to their Another 700 Miles EP, you would understand. The latter is because I generally find their music videos to be the most sanctimonious pieces of crap that have befallen this earth, outside of the majority of rap videos.

A few months back while going through a bunch of band links I have, I discovered that 3DD would be releasing a new album, and had already put out a song and video. Interested to see what they had conjured up this time, I looked up the song on youtube, and just sat back and watched the idiocy ensue. The song was entitled Citizen/Soldier, and it was made for the National Guard (or according to our right honourable wikipedia, a tribute to the National Guard). That’s right folks, the National Guard. The entire video consists of scenes of American soldiers fighting that good fight over the span of 250 years, with reenactments of the Revolutionary war and current battles in the Middle East. The song I actually I somewhat enjoyed, but the video….. the things I could say.

Is it just me, or do we not have this same level of governmental support in Canadian music? What I mean is, Canadian bands never seem as GO CANADIAN MILITARY! as our American counterparts do for theirs. If they do, I surely have not encountered it from underneath my cultural rock. Sure some bands go and entertain our troops, but I have yet to see Nickelback get a visual hard-on for say the Canadian Air Force. Is there something fundamentally different about the Canadian music scene or Canadian musicians in general? Is this the next step for music worldwide- to become governmental and military support systems?

Maybe I am just naive, or too optimistic, but I hope to hell that we can keep music just a tad more free. Like politics and religion, perhaps music should be left out of polite conversation, and allowed to prevent hostilities rather than promote.

Lately, when I am out record shopping (*snort*), I seem to experience an increase of meat-headed, blonde-highlighted, popped-collar, cargo-capri wearing dudes in the jazz section, looking for things like Miles Davis. The other day, I actually heard a Miles Davis album described by one dude to another dude as “sick”.

First off, let me say… I know nothing about jazz. I’d like to, but it’s the kind of thing I’d have to pick up through osmosis, like from significant time spent with a loved one. Once it becomes a soundtrack for something in my life, it fits, it stays. This is kind of why I will never totally dislike certain songs from the Durst/Stapp era, and will continue to do so long after both get faaaaaat.

But I digress. I know nothing about jazz. But why do these guys!? Maxim Magazine’s Guide to Disparraging Legitimate Culture for the Means of Casual Sex? Something must have been said in the LCBO magazine about mood music, or something, and I missed it since I’m still so preoccupied with perfecting the scallop martini…

A favourite in-store experience as a manager was when one of these dudes came in and explained he was kind of seeing this girl, and they were going for, like, a “sweet” fancy dinner that night, uptown. He was going to invite her back to his “sweet” apartment, but needed some tunage to seal the deal, y’know buddy, just kinda get the mood flowing.  He had already made a mixed CD featuring the more sensual, provocative output of bands like Staind, but needed something with a little more credibility, I suppose.

I’m pretty sure I responded by first going “ugh! jeez…” (which is why I don’t work in the store anymore- so many people reading this can so totally hear me ‘going’ that). And since I had just priced one, I held up a Leonard Cohen CD and said flatly: “this”. The dude must have mistaken my disgust with conviction, and the sale was made. I’m pretty sure whether the ‘deal’ was sealed or not, I got referred to an uncomfortable, possibly slightly-drunk girl as “buddy at the record store”.

He so clearly wasn’t going to listen in-store to what I recommended, so I should have just handed him a pile of Negativland and Fu-Schnickens.  Though, had his lady-friend shopped excusively at the It Store, that just may have worked a little too well.

Anyway… what’s my point? Create your own moods with music, or absorb them from somewhere special, don’t have the magazines do it for you. This is why I keep my special Coldplay/Dido mixed-tape close at hand. I spliced in quotations from “Love, Actually” in between songs. lolz.

 *~*kAm*~*

An acquaintance of mine, a singer/songwriter of the acoustic persuasion, is preparing to record his next album. Foreseeing a hefty bill for the recording and manufacturing of the disc, he has written an appeal to his fans (or patrons) asking for their support. 

Essentially, he is asking people to pre-order the album. If anyone wishes to purchase say, three or five discs, with the intention of passing them on to friends or family, he’s offering a discounted price. Those who order a good deal will see their names in the thank-you portion of the liner notes. 

Super-fans who go above and beyond and pledge a good deal of money (into the hundreds of dollars), will not only receive a whole whack of CDs, but also a live performance at their home, for a birthday party or some such event.

I think it’s a pretty novel idea, given the proper context. My buddy, with a substantial baby-boomer audience, has the benefit of a relatively wealthy listenership, many of whom are still predisposed to listening to their music on CD format (and would probably get a kick out of seeing their names printed on the inside of a CD booklet).  

I hope this fundraising campaign works out. 

Me, I’m comfortable with my fourteen fans who receive their CDs for free. One of them was last seen in a ditch half full of water (the fan, not the CD; the ditch, not the fan). 

~listening to~

Barry Adamson: Back to the Cat

I used to get really excited for the summer music festival season. Lately, it takes a lot to get me to attend a festival and, frankly, none of this year’s line-ups do anything for me. I was trying to figure out a dream festival line-up - a festival that I wouldn’t be able to NOT attend.

What’s a little crazy is that this fake festival, save for a couple of bands, COULD feasibly happen. Some rich Australian could make me very happy.

11pm - 12pm: Jeff Tweedy (He’d get all of the morons to leave by yelling at them, as such: Tweedy yells at morons)

12pm - 1pm: The Postal Service (They’re technically still together)

1pm - 2pm: Wil Oldham (I’d love to see that ugly bastard in the flesh)

2pm - 3pm: Jens Lekman (See above)

3pm - 4pm: The Hold Steady (Big drinkers = good festival band, as such: Hold Steady drink, while playing, at festival )

4pm - 5pm: Ryan Adams (Is in a huge Grateful Dead phase = good festival act)

5pm - 6pm: Morrissey (By law I am required to put him on this list)

6pm - 7pm: Modest Mouse (I used to really want to see them, but now only kind of want to see them: perfect festival band)

7pm - 8pm: Sun Kil Moon (As a band, not just Mark Kozelek finger picking / mumbling his way through every song)

8pm - 9pm: Pearl Jam (I don’t see how Pearl Jam could be a detriment to any festival, plus - I haven’t seen them)

9pm - 10pm: Kings of Leon (I haven’t seen them, plus Vedder could introduce them and mispronounce their name. Again.)

10pm - 11pm: Wilco (If Tweedy’s there, they might as well play)

11pm - 12am: Elvis Costello (plays This Year’s Model and Armed Forces)

12am - 1am: The Arcade Fire (I mean…c’mon)

So, there it is. Wouldn’t that be better than V-Fest? Or Osheaga? Or the Us festival?